Hello.
Two words before I begin. First, when I get started on a project, I usually channel all my creative energies towards it. It’s the main reason I have not written blog posts lately; I have a physical project I have been working on. The ideas this posting will become have been circling inside my head for some time, untouched because of the other project. However, sometimes at work delays happen and I have some free time to work on a personal project. But since I do not have the materials to paper mache or Bondo at work, I instead bring pen to paper and let the ideas form; the other project now circles around, finding ways to be improved. (I just hope I can finish it in 3 weeks…)
Second. What I am going to talk about comes from three individual ideas I have had on my mind for different times. The problem was that combining the two older ideas came dangerously close to one of the few topics I will NOT talk about. I was frustrated at this and was about to breech what I did not want to, when a third view came to me from a valued source. I now know how to work this into a topic I can talk about without giving away too much of certain beliefs.
There comes a time when you have to realize that there is only so much you can do- that you can’t just save everyone. And that sometimes, for the right reasons, that is for the best.
Let me back up a bit…
I once wrote about the steadfast rules I adhere to when it comes to dating. One of the reasons I did that was that a young lady I work with broke most of them in one fell swoop. I tried to warn her, but as per usual, my words went for naught and she soon started dating a man she worked with every day who was over 10 years her senior and married. Comes to pass he divorced his wife and got engaged to my lady friend. So I was wrong and it turned out to work out very well for both of them…
But I wouldn’t be writing about this if that was the case.
Cut to a few months ago. After switching to another position, I finally saw her again, and saw that my worst fears with regards to her relationship choices had come true. He had left her with no explanation of why he was leaving her. Shortly after she left I got a bit more information on what happened.
Now I knew my lady friend (known from here on out as ‘Happy’) had some ‘personality problems’. I attribute a lot of it to her sheltered life and youth. I just didn’t understand the extent of her peculiarities. She made him, among other things, stop associating with his family and children, and claimed his background was of French descent, because it turns out she has a rather slight dislike of those who are of Latino ancestry- and by slight dislike, I mean bordering on racist. She was VERY vindictive to him if he didn’t agree with her. It almost seemed like a dominatrix-submissive relationship more than anything. And she thought he wouldn’t dare defy her. Which he did, and it devastated her. Evidently she was not used to being the one dumped, and she did NOT like it at all. She was an emotional wreck, constantly crying and being miserable. I tried to comfort her, maybe forget her woes for a bit, but it was too great a task. Still, I tried, and she would tell me how she had no idea why he left, that she was a good person; then immediately start cursing his kids and making veiled threats against them. I was torn- she is a friend, but she was showing me pure venom and her darkness with what had happened.
One day she told me how while at her work area she saw him, and she freaked out until he left. Then she would ask me if I had seen him and was he miserable from what I could see. Truth be told, he seemed to be more professional about it, and he even brought his children around a couple times. I kept most of that from her, and she kept believing in her near denial as to the most likely real reason this all happened. After a month of this, it took a turn for the worse.
Happy was about to be bumped from her position by someone with more seniority than her. She could have become the relief, but instead she chose a different position:
One that had her working every day with him.
It doesn’t take a genius to see what would happen, with her acting the way she was. For the first time, I was afraid of her losing her job and more by taking this course of action. She claimed she could handle it, but I know she has a real lack of self control. I’ve seen it in action numerous times before, and she barely kept her job then. So I did something I rarely do- I BEGGED her not to do this. I warned her and told her clearly why I felt this was a horrible idea. She seemed genuinely touched, but said she had to do this. So I left her to her thing, dreading that this might be one of the last times I would see her in a professional environment.
Fortunately he saw the same thing I did, and acted accordingly. The next time I saw her, she was bragging that he switched positions as soon as he saw what she was doing. She called him a coward for refusing to face her. She didn’t grasp he did it as an act of kindness to her. It was at that moment that I realized there was nothing I could do. And I did something I rarely, if ever, do:
I washed my hands of the entire affair.
I seem to be one of a dying breed: someone who genuinely wants to help others. A nice guy, in other words. I hate seeing others down and in need. I will do all I can to help out others if I can. I don’t do this out of some smug sense of satisfaction or superiority. I don’t do this out of guilt. I do it because it is the right thing to do. And every day I pay the price for this, since most times it seems that the order of the world is cruelty and coldness.
Look, I am not condemning looking out for #1. I think a bit of selfishness is a necessary and beneficial trait for humanity. But it only gets you so far. As much as I sometimes like to believe, we are not a reclusive species. We ultimately need others at times. We are social. The problem is most people’s ideas of social are in the realm of pure douchebaggery. We are scared, unsure creatures that have generally decided that the best way to avoid getting hurt is to pre-emptively hurt others. It’s easier, in the words of the Harry Potter novels, to do what is easy rather than what is right.
It almost seems at times the slogan for our society is ‘Cui bono’, which basically translates to ‘who benefits’? WHY help others, what does it benefit me? Those that help are weak; why NOT take advantage of them? It’s ALL about my own world; the rest is of no importance. In short, fuck ‘em. This is the world we live in, and it always seems so few of try to fight for it to change for the better. It wears on one, to try and stop the ocean with a thimble, and more often than not I wonder why DO I keep on this path?
Is it masochism? Do I LIKE getting sense of hope in humanity constantly crushed? I should just stop, go the easy way and just say fuck all y’all. I would love nothing more than to do that, since this life hurts my very being. But when I get like that, I get glimpses that maybe, just maybe I am making a difference. Case in point:
My brother also writes a blog, which I try to read when I can, but due to the summer travel season, I have fallen behind. He writes about those who he thanks for being the ones who make life better. And unknown to me, one was about me. Here, take a look. (Also, give the rest a read, it’s pretty uplifting.) This is the nicest thing ever written about me. And its things like this that make me realize I can’t quit, or more accurately WON’T quit.
You see, we are all we have. We choose to make life worthwhile or not. The rest is but cruelty.
And that it the closest I will ever come to talking about a certain subject.
So why did I title this ‘The Superman/Batman conundrum’? Because the character of Superman is someone who HAS to save everyone; and when he cannot, he feels like he is a complete failure. Batman realizes that sometimes you have to choose. “I won’t kill you, but I DON’T have to save you’ he said once. And I realized that as much as I try to be like Superman, sometimes you have to follow Batman’s path. Hence why I walked away from my lady friend’s situation: I can still be her friend, but since she is set and determined to follow a path to destruction, I won’t stop her from doing it. I hope when this is all said and done, she will be a bit more mature and wiser in life- if it doesn’t destroy her.
As for me, I will keep fighting. I do not care the consequences. Maybe it is a fool’s errand- but I would rather be a fool fighting for the right reasons than a genius who does nothing.
A postscript- it has recently come to my attention that both my lady friend and the other employee who were seeing each other are in fact with each other again. If I was a more cruel man, I would take him off to the side and tell him what I had listened to from her. It might stop the train wreck that will inevitably happen, but most likely it would result in lives ruined. So I won’t. I cannot help those who do not want help…
