One

This is not going to be a happy post. I apologize in advance.

 Some of you may know that this is not my favorite time of the year. Some may even know why. The simple fact is that long ago I have given up trying to find real joy for myself this season. There are only two things I want that could change everything for me during this time, but I will never get them; one because it is truly impossible, the other so highly improbable that it might as well also be impossible.

 So until the day comes around that time travel becomes possible, I do the next best thing: I try to spread a little joy and happiness to others. You see, to me this time of year should be when hope for humanity is renewed. So I work to do that, even though mine is dangerously low. People should have reasons to laugh, to experience wonder, to forget their woes- to get that hope for humanity. To further that I don the mantel of Pagliacci.

 I try to spread joy to others, be it with humorous photos and cards (which I admit are a creative yet fun challenge to create), gifts to show that someone actually pays attention, offering assistance to those in need, to just being there for people. I could be a bitter person, full of bile during the holiday season, but I want others to feel better. I want them happy. I want them to see that the world is not all bad; that things can be good… to have some hope for the world. I figure if I work hard enough at helping others enjoy the season, just maybe some of it will rub off onto me.

 Some may think I am doing it wrong, that I shouldn’t hide my feelings for the sake of others. Maybe they are right, but I feel that it is better to do this than the alternative. The world already has enough trying to drag it down.

 Despite my darkness, I will fight for the light.